This morning I was feeling really shitty, hopeless, sad, vulnerable, exhausted, and was thinking the usual ‘what’s the use?’
After getting on the bus I tried to listen to my audio book, which has been my daily routine, but no matter what I tried, the ‘play’ operation wouldn’t work. I decided it might be The Universe saying ‘don’t listen to the book’. I kind of thought that listening to the book was a way of escaping from my own thoughts and wondered if that was why I was being guided not to do so.
So instead I listened to my music and used the shuffle mode on my play list. Words from the first song caught my attention and I felt they related to how I’ve been feeling.
Long, long way from home
To find a heart that’s made of stone
I will try, I just need a little time
Another song came on…
Take my breath away
I was feeling really crappy and was tempted earlier in the morning to just buy breakfast (including Coca-Cola) when I arrived into town before work. I thought about it again on while on the bus, and was really wanting to do this, particularly for the sake of the coca-cola. Even though I haven’t drunk coke for the last couple of weeks (ever since I had a break-through during a journal session and I realised about willpower and the connection with the yellow Solar Plexus chakra – another blog post to come). When I was reminding myself about needing willpower and the influence of the yellow chakra, I happened in that moment to see things that were yellow, everywhere I looked.
I felt like my guides were trying to guide me away from the decision.
At some point along the journey I saw the words ‘choose’ on a bus stop ad – I figured it was another message. I can choose not to. However I was still feeling stubborn and negative.
As I was walking off the bus, the song One Call Away come on. [This song had been a blessing to me another time a few months back when I made a another journal-session-realisation about not drinking coke, and I really felt like it was my guardian angel telling me that he will always be there for me if I need help to decide not to.]
Oh yes, he really was guiding me! I felt like he was telling me again, ‘don’t have the coke’. But I was still feeling really emotional and was convinced that I would buy the coke anyway, and I was planning on stopping at the 7-Eleven further down the street. While walking, the words from the song were grabbing my attention.
I just want to give you love
No matter where you go, you know you’re not alone
While I was listening to these words, I realised my inner voice was whispering, ‘but I’m so scared’… and as I noticed this, the next words being sung were:
Come along with me and don’t be scared
I just want to set you free
Oh my, yes yes yes, this all has to be from my guardian angel!
However even after ALL these signs I’d been receiving the whole way, I was STILL feeling shitty and stubborn and was STILL going to buy the Coke… but just as I was thinking that, I happened to glance sideways at the sign on the shop window I was walking by, and there in big bold capital letters staring me in the face was the word ‘RETHINK’. Oh.. ok.. This was such a big sign, I couldn’t ignore any more that this is really what he wanted from me… I had to surrender and listen to his advice and re-think my actions. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
Finally I made the decision not to buy any Coke that morning.
So I kept walking, past the 7-Eleven, and into work; and after settling in I made myself a peppermint and ginger tea. 😊
Thank you to my guardian angel and guidance team. ❤ I’m sorry it was so hard to get through to me!