Let my soul dance

I have joined a new football team, and I’m trying to increase my fitness. I’m really struggling with painful heels, shins, feet, and general soreness and aches in my legs.  The heels in particular are affecting me, to the point where I’ve felt like a cripple in the day after I’ve played a game or participated in training. The diagnosis is that it’s heel spurs or plantar fasciitis and the podiatrist has given me orthotics for my running shoes and told me to stretch my calves three times a day.

No matter how much I stretch (well ok, to be honest, I haven’t been stretching that much) the problem hasn’t lessened. From a mind-body connection point of view, I’m convinced it’s my Fear that has been holding me back. It came up in my journal writing recently in relation to this. So I thought that after I had realised where it was coming from, the pain might go away on it’s on accord. Not so lucky. (‘Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know’.)

I went to the gym this afternoon and while on the treadmill I know I was receiving nudges from the angels or guides. I started seeing the triple numbers again (and 11:11 and 59:59 etc).

My shins were hurting me terribly and I was feeling really despondent and frustrated and started to feel really angry. Even after only a minute of running (and only slow at 7k/hr!), my shins were hurting.  I felt like crying, and actually tears were spilling out, but I had to compose myself because someone else was using the gym also.  I was feeling angry and was yelling in my mind ‘Fuck You’ to whatever it is that is causing all this pain for me and holding me back from getting myself fit and enjoying sports.

I struggled through while my shins hurt but gave up after jogging for 5 minutes and moved to the exercise bike so that I could still exercise without it hurting my shins. I started out by cycling at a steady 22k/hr trying not to go too slow but without anything too strenuous.

The song Human by The Killers came on in my headphones.  I love the song and always feel moved by it. I was still feeling emotional, and I really immersed myself in the music and closed my eyes.

The word ‘surrender’ caught my attention, and I knew it was talking to me, that I need to surrender… surrender to God maybe. By then I was listening to the lyrics and I felt that every sentence was telling me something.

I did my best to notice, when the call came down the line [God is calling me]

up to the platform of surrender [Its time to surrender]

I was brought but I was kind

and sometimes I get nervous [this word resonated with me, cos yes I am nervous about taking a leap]

when I see an open door [yes, I felt lately I’m at an open door which I need to build the courage to walk through]

close your eyes [my eyes were literally closed when I heard this]

clear your heart [yes, I need to clear and open my heart]

 cut the cord [yes, I need to cut the cord tying me to my safety blanket]

are we human [so relevant, as I feel the signs are from the spirits / angels and I’m in human form]

or are we dancer [I feel ‘dancer’ represents my soul being able to dance, instead of being stuck in a human way]

[Also human or dancer makes me think of just going through the motions of life, versus actually living and experiencing life fully and feeling a connection to the soul]

my sign is vital [I am vital.  The signs from my guides are vital.]

my hands are cold

and I’m on my knees, looking for the answer [yes, I’ve been looking for answers.  On my knees – surrendering]

At some stage when I opened my eyes I opened them to 11:11 and I knew that these lyrics really were messages for me.  I felt the emotional teary sensation I do when I sense something is talking to my heart.

I felt really connected to the universal spirit and knew the spirits were communicating with me.

I didn’t really listen to the rest of the lyrics, except hearing certain words.. grace and virtuesoul and romancedevotion

 you’ve got to let me go [let go of fear]

I don’t know what the meaning of the song is or what the songwriter had in mind when writing the lyrics however I just took it for what the words meant to me at the time.

I felt that God was asking me to surrender and clear my heart, and be a dancer instead of being sluggish and tied down.  Cut the cord and walk through the door.  Let go of the fear.

Oh and when I was feeling all emotional during the song, I was still feeling frustrated with my sore legs holding me back, and the energy of frustration made me want to speed up and cycle faster and I built the speed up to 27 k/hr which allowed a greater release of emotion.

I feel the experience was an encouragement from my guides. I know I’ve always resisted the gym and think I should exercise outside in a natural environment, however both times in the gym my angels have been helping me to feel inspired and connected.

photo: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-of-woman-raising-her-hands-615334/