What do you really want?

What do you really want? There may be lots of things you want, but if you had to pick only those things that you want that would bring you closer to being You, what would these things be?

Last night I wrote in my journal addressing My Guardian Angel, my passed over grandparents, God, and the angels in general.  It was a general pleading to anyone who would listen and help. I asked for guidance on finding my mojo again in relation to eating healthily again. In the last few weeks I’ve started my bad habits again, have been craving sweets, not eating salads or preparing healthy meals, and have felt like I’ve had no control. When I lose my mojo (I’ve started to realise now) I start to feel like it’s out of my control and the universe is doing this to me and oh life is so hard to have to try to fight the way of the universe constantly.   And then it becomes a fight to try to do those things that I know will help me achieve what I want, and I feel like I’m hopeless and have no will power, and it’s out of my control once again.   Also I feel like I want to do those things that sabotage me (like eating chocolate everyday) and start to feel resentful that I can’t or shouldn’t be doing them, which causes an internal conflict because at the end of the day I want to eat healthily but also at the same time want to eat the chocolate every day.

So back to my journal entry, I had felt bad about asking for help as it feels selfish and greedy.  So I asked for guidance on that thought too.

As I woke this morning, I had thought in my head about how I want to eat healthy, nurturing and nutritious foods.  I can’t remember the exact words but the word ‘want’ was emphasised in my mind.

I realised there was a significance to this, and so I wrote about it in my journal.   I realised that it’s important for me to identify what it is that I want. What does my body and my soul and my inner person really want?  So when I ask myself this, I know that I WANT to eat nurturing and nutritious foods, and that I DON’T want to be eating lots of refined sugars and processed foods. I feel empowered by the knowledge of what I want and no longer feel the inner struggle and the thoughts of hopelessness.

I know now the importance of pinpointing what it is that I want.  Of knowing what my true wants are.

I believe I know this knowledge thanks to my guides, that they sowed the seed of the thought for when I woke up.

Thank you, as always. And thank you for proving to me that it is ok to ask for help.

The lady in the red shirt

When I was 20, I decided to visit a Spiritualist Church.  I was brought up as an athiest and was not a believer in God, however at that time in my life I was starting to have a faith in something of a higher power (thanks to Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life).  I was also interested in Eastern philosophies/religions like Tao and Buddhism and New Age kind of things.  I saw an ad in the paper for a Spiritualist Church which attracted me as I thought it might be a more spiritually focused church rather than being about God as per the Christian religions. The ad specified to bring a flower to leave at the front, which i did.

When I arrived I felt really uncomfortable as I’d never been a church goer and I was by myself, not to mention how shy and self conscious I was at the best of times, let alone in an environment that was out of my comfort zone.   Looking back I think how brave I was!

On the wall there was a sign with a quote that started with ‘The Fatherhood of God, Brotherhood of man…’ and I thought ‘oh god, how sexist, no wonder I’m not religious’ followed by ‘what on earth am I doing here?’.

Anyway I stuck it out – we had to hold hands at some point, and there was hymn singing, all of which made me feel even more self conscious.

The priest (if that is what he was called) walked up to the stage to make his speech.  He started by talking to a man at the back of the church, so I looked around and saw a man standing by himself, wearing hippy-like clothes, he had long straggly hair, and wore Hare Krishna type beads around his neck with a large cross.  the priest said that ‘They tell you…. ‘ etc – I can’t remember the details, but it seemed to me like the priest must have been talking about how the church members were telling him what to do and were judging him.  While this was happening I was thinking ‘how rude, this is totally not where I belong, this was a bad decision’.

However as the priest continued, it slowly dawned on me that it was the spirits that were talking through him.  As soon as I realised this, it suddenly dawned on me that I was going to be next.  Sure enough, the priest pointed straight to me and said ‘the lady in the red shirt….’

I was wearing a red t-shirt that day.  I wish I could remember more of what they told me.  The only thing I remember them saying that I was scared of success, not failure.