Wow it’s been ages since I’ve blogged. I’ve struggled along with my ups and downs, with more downs than ups lately. But I continue to push along, trying to keep as connected as I can to my guides and inner soul. It’s always when I lose sight of this and lose connection with this inner life force that I fall down and fall apart. But that’s all a topic for another blog post.
What I really want to talk about today is the creative life force, that I have inherently known is vital to my wellbeing and my life purpose.
One morning a few days ago, I wrote in my journal:
You need to believe in your magnificence! You are worthy! That is what is ‘wrong with you’ – you don’t believe in your own power and amazing-ness.
But I feel so trampled – how do I suddenly ‘believe’ in my own power?
I feel like my power has drained out of me. The coca-cola takes away my power.
[edit – aha, is this what Coke is here to teach me?]
The energy is power. I want to be power-ful – energised.
It reminded me that energy is what makes up the universe. It’s like the chi-life force. I realised that I am blocking myself from this chi – so I asked myself ‘how do I connect to re-energise myself and to bring back my power?’
The answer was:
Relax and meditate. Give yourself time – don’t put chores first – put yourself first and then it will energize you for the chores.
Later that morning, on the bus to work, I remembered a dream I had that morning before waking which I had forgotten about. I wrote about it in my e-journal:
I remember a snippet of a dream. I was somewhere with my husband and there was an amazing photo opportunity in front of us. It was of a magnificent tree and there were people in front of it. The way the tree branched up into the sky and the sculptural quality of the trunk and branches was magical. The view was in black and white. Like a white sky and grey tree trunk.
I was trying to take the photo but only had a short time frame to quickly snap it and hope I captured the essence of the photo. I was trying to frame it successfully in the short amount of time I had available to me.
After writing these words, I realised that the dream was about a magnificent tree – and I had written about remembering my magnificence in the journal entry that morning! (Which was after having the dream, but at that time I hadn’t remembered or thought about the dream.)
I’ve realised that finding my power and magnificence is in being creative. The act of being creative is my way of finding my chi/energy/power.
The tree in the dream was like a metaphor for my life. I’m running out of time to capture this magnificence essence, ie I am running out of time to be the creative expansive person I want to be which the magnificent tree represented. The fact that it was in black and white and I was framing the photo, also referenced one of my creative outlets, photography. I like using the iPhone camera as a way of being able to quickly snap interesting or photogenic views while I’m out and about, it’s a way of slotting in some creativity whenever I can.
[On a side point, when I wrote the post in my e-journal, I then saw on the timeline a post where I had seen the word Carefree on someone’s Instagram post which at the time reminded me of my art college days of being carefree. Which is another synchronistic moment as this morning I was also pondering the idea that maybe me drinking coke is a subconscious desire to go back to my art college days (which was when first started drinking Coke) – back to a time of being full of creativity.]
Here’s another thing.. The very next day, I saw on Instagram a quote by Julia Cameron (the author of The Artist’s Way – all about creativity and releasing artists’ blocks). ‘I do not make a distinction between creativity and spirituality.’
Yes yes yes. Isn’t it amazing the way the universe works!!
This whole ‘creativity’ thing really means a lot to me – all my life I’ve known creativity is an integral part of my being and it’s something I need to express. I was really inspired years ago when I read Naomi Wolf’s book, The Treehouse, about her father and in which she describes his views on creativity and how it’s the essence of all things.
Being creative makes me feel like I’m expanding inside. It lightens and opens my heart.
[Edit 19/07/19. This blog post has been in draft since December last year, but it’s still very relevant to me! The only difference is that these days I’m feeling more ups than downs, and I do think this is because I’ve consciously decided to dedicate time to be creative. In this way, I have dedicated time to my true self, my soul, my heart. Which is a way of honouring myself. ❤ ]